school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
