Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
