i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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