You're my little dorito
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
