My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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