She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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