girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
