So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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