people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
