Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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