it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
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Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
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After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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