Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
