She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
