did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
