grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
