Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
