Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
