you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm really busy with my period
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