You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
