So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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