Nicole vs. Life
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
