sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
