4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
