i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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