worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
