"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
