if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
