For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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