dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
