Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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