Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
