but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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