Porn is love you can see.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
