so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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