hotel room ftw
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
