i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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