dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize