I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
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8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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