I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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