Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And then my night got REAL pukey
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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