your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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