I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
