the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
