no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
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I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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