I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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