I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
