he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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