remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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