I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
