The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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