ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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