was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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