Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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