She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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