I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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