i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
