did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How's work?
Spinning.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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