Me. At least after what I've been through.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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