i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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