When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You smell like stripper and shame
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
