It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
