This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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