Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
