you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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