If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
