Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
