Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
