oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
