my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
please don't ironically join a cult
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