Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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