he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
