Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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