i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
i don't wanna talk about it
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.