Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
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Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
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You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?