my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already