Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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