Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
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Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
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we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.