So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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