She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
