was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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