dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
