It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
